Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Nail Polish names rival Crayola Crayons options.

This is a perfect example of why I fail at being girly.

I saw this nail polish on Pinterest that someone labeled as "best coral color by Essie". But when I went to click on the source site, I was led to a broken url. Oh well I thought, I'll just Google "coral nail polish by Essie" and boy was I wrong. Instead, I was basically punched in the face with a ridiculous amount of coral color options.

Silly Stacey, didn't you know there are 500 million freakin' options for coral nail polish?!?!

Proof:  http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/essie-nail-polish-corals/3495323

What the hell is "Carousel Coral"? Could you show me where you got your inspiration? "Shop till I drop"?? Wouldn't that be more of a blood red?? This makes me believe that the Crayola Crayon namers also work part time for Essie. Or that I picked the wrong job because hell, I could name nail polish colors if all I had to do was make up a random string of words and slap it on a nail polish bottle. I bet I could make a killing off of "Cubicle Red" or "I Picked the Wrong Major Pink"?

And it's this same color dilemma that causes me to suffer a minor panic attack when I get a professional manicure.

"WAH CALAH YOU WAHN?"
"Uhh... just a second, I'm trying to figure out which shade a pink ...uh *draws blank*stares at bottles*mumbles* uh... speaks to me?"
"PICK CALAH AND SET IN CHAIH FAVE"
*Holding 3 bottles of pink* "Uh sure"
"ONE CALAH TWENTAY DOLLAH. TREE COLOR $100"
*Wait $100? I don't even know what she's talking about. ohh..* "No no, I just want one color. I just can't decide."
"SET IN CHAIH FAVE."
*At this point, my mind has completely shut down and all rationale decision making is out the window. Sweat starts pouring down my forehead while I unknowingly put away all three pink polishes and only to blindly grab an obnoxious neon orange color I don't even like. And it isn't until she actually painting my nails with this god awful color that I realize what's going on.* "Dammit. It happened again."



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